Impossible Prayers

2017. 

We're only one month into this new year, yet it has been interesting. I won't go into any kind of detail, but the last month, if I'm being honest, hasn't been easy. In fact, due to several things that have happened, I kind of feel like my life has been turned upside down. But luckily, my world doesn't have to be right-side-up in order for God to work. 

A couple weeks ago I was really challenged in my prayer life. I've always been more of a "passive" person of prayer, meaning I'd pray when I needed something (but nothing too spectacular) and I'd thank God for things in my life. However, I hardly ever prayed for huge things. I realized that the mindset I had stemmed from a sense of disbelief. I genuinely did not believe that God could answer some of my prayers, and sometimes it felt irrational to ask. I wouldn't pray about things that seemed utterly impossible. Yes, it is a ridiculous notion because nothing is impossible with God, but my human brain couldn't wrap itself around the idea that He could actually make these things possible. 

So cut to the third weekend in January. I was just starting to come out of my "winter blues", which, in my life, is a time ranging from around the middle of November to the beginning of January where I experience more depression than usual. I was listening to a sermon on breakthrough prayer and the pastor challenged us to make a list of things to pray for, and to put anything on the list that came to mind. He then challenged us to spend time praying for those things every day, and to not give up on them, to not get discouraged if we don't see answers right away. I went home and wrote down five things. 

And then I kid you not, the very next day, a massive wrench was thrown into one of the things I was praying for. I remember driving to the city and thinking "Okay God, you told me to pray for this impossible thing and it seems to be getting more and more impossible each day. What are you doing here?" Then God reminded me of something that had popped up on my Instagram feed a week before. A verse where Jesus states, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand" [John 13:7 NIV]. That gave me some peace for the time being. 

I'm still praying for the five things. Some of them still seem impossible to me. But I know that sometimes it takes months, years, and even decades to get some big answers. In the last week or so however, I have discovered something. While we're waiting for the big answers to come, God throws in some little things that we weren't even asking for. For example, I have prayed numerous times over for God to take my anxiety away, but that hasn't happened. However, answers to that can come in many forms. Sometimes I get to experience His unmistakable peace in moments where my mind feels like chaos. Sometimes I have whole days, or even weeks, where I don't feel anxious at all. I used to have panic attacks frequently, but I haven't had one in four months. I used to take these things for granted; I don't anymore. 

The other thing is, sometimes God uses the situations from some prayer requests to answer other ones. I have experienced that in a big way this past month. One of my five big things I'm praying for is to experience more joy in 2017. And despite everything that's been going on, I have experienced more joy. I've been meditating on James 1:2 because it seemed like an obvious choice to me. Without even knowing what I was doing, my best friend sent me the next three verses one day. And my mind was just kind of blown by what God was saying.

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." [James 1:2-5 NLT. Emphasis is mine.] 

So lesson learned here? Don't be afraid to ask God for big things. He may not give you those big things, but all His gifts are good and He gives them abundantly.  

Like Stars in the Sky

"What is God's will for my life?"

That is probably the most common question I've heard from other Christians, and one that I have so many times wondered myself. We sit and ponder what God is doing with our lives and ask this sort of question. What is His will for me? What is my purpose in life? Should I apply for this job? Should I take this class or that one? Should I save my money for a vacation? Should I date that person? All the should I questions that only become what if's when a decision is made. What if this isn't God's will for me? What if I'm not on track? What if I chose the wrong career path? What if I never get the job I want? 

When thinking about all these questions I noticed they are all questions of guidance and direction. We are so obsessed with directing our life to look the way we want it to look. But maybe that's not what God is talking about when He speaks of His "will". Maybe how our life physically turns out doesn't ultimately matter. I think we all want it so desperately to matter because that's all we know, that's all we see. However I believe God's will goes much deeper than that. I think it has much less to do with what He wants you to do, and more about who He wants you to be. 

I recently sat down and had a conversation with someone who was quite disgruntled with their life. When they took a look at their life, they couldn't understand how this was God's plan for them. I, too, wonder the same thing sometimes. When things aren't going your way, when everything in your life seems chaotic at best, it's hard to imagine what kind of plan God is working on in the background. That's why I think God's will for someone's life goes way beyond circumstances and life outcomes. God's will for my life is to shape me into the kind of person He has planned for me and He uses life circumstances to do this. I admit, sometimes the things that come our way in life don't make sense and you can't imagine how God can use this to shape you into a better person, but He does. 

That's why verses like 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 actually make sense: 

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 

Being someone who rejoices, prays, and is thankful is part of God's will for us. (If you read the few verses previous, Paul also talks about things like patience, encouragement, living peacefully, and seeking good. I'm inclined to believe all these things apply as well.) 

I'm not going to lie and pretend that I have this whole thing down pat because I really don't. These things are genuinely hard things to do sometimes. I struggle with anxiety and a little bit of depression, trust me, rejoicing always isn't easy. Praying continually is difficult in a world that is so noisy. And being thankful in everything is hard when everything seems daunting. 

This is challenging, but I continue to really really love these verses. Why? Because I love practical things. These aren't big theological concepts that I read and have to figure out, these are actual things that I can live out in my day to day. So I thought I would share a little bit about how God has used this to teach me something. 

Rejoice always. This is probably the one of the three listed that I struggle with the most. I'm not really a naturally jovial person. In fact, I even remember when I went to summer camp during junior high and we were talking about the fruits of the Spirit. My counselor asked us which fruit we thought we could see most in our lives and least in our lives and even back then I could recognize that joy was the one I saw least. God has taught me, however, that true joy does not come from any person or any circumstance, but it comes from Him. I know, this seems like a thing I should've learned long ago, but it's still something God has to remind me of often. The world has conditioned us to believe that we can't truly find joy in life unless we measure up to this impossible standard that society has set for us. But this is blatantly false. The most genuinely joyful people I've ever met are often those who have very little in terms of worldly assets but have an abundance of Christ.

"For you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings, I will sing for joy." (Psalm 63:7) 

Pray continually. When I visited St. Joseph's oratory in Montreal, I bought myself a little souvenir rosary. I didn't really know what it actually symbolized when I bought it, but I thought it looked kinda cool and I had seen them around all over the place. For Catholics, the beads act as a reminder to pray. For each bead on the string there is a specific prayer that's supposed to be recited. I came to really like the idea of a prayer reminder, so I hung my rosary from the rear-view mirror of my car. This has actually been very helpful for me because anytime I feel very overwhelmed or upset or worried about something (which usually happens when I'm in my car because I drive a lot) I see the beads with the cross hanging from my mirror and think to myself, "I need to declutter my brain and talk to God about this".

"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad." (Proverbs 12:25)

"Cast all your anxieties on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

Being thankful in everything. This one is hard for me because I have a natural inclination to complain about things, and grumbling comes from a place of ungratefulness. One thing I've been challenged to do is actually writing down things I'm thankful for. Most recently, I felt challenged to write down reasons I am thankful for people who frustrate me before I begin praying about my frustrations. (That one is particularly difficult and truthfully, it hasn't been going as well as it should be.) Although, because of all this, I think God has been opening my eyes to see things in a different way. I think about people differently when I try to focus on the reasons I'm thankful for them. I think about life situations differently when I try to weed out the good things that could be happening or going on behind the scenes. 

1 Thessalonians also is not the only place that Paul talks about these three things. In Philippians, he speaks about "rejoicing always in the Lord" and giving everything to God in "prayer and supplication with thanksgiving" (4:4-6), And as I've said before, I believe that if something is repeated multiple times, its importance should be multiplied as well.  

So why is this important? I think the answer to that question lies in Philippians 2:14-16: "Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life." 

We certainly do live in a crooked and twisted society, and one day we will be free from its grasp, but until then God is using us to shine a light. Ultimately, that's what God's will is all about - being a witness to those around us, becoming people that radiate Jesus and His love. 

My absolute favourite part of the above passage is the image of being a star. Shining like stars in the sky. It really says something about God's ability to use anything in our lives for His ultimate glory because so often we see a star's brilliance in darkness. 

Lastly I uncovered something very interesting as I was looking up and pondering that passage. The Greek word used for 'star' or 'light' in that passage is only used one other time in the Bible... and it is found in Revelation 21:11 as John describes his vision of seeing the new Jerusalem coming down out of heaven, "having the glory of God, its radiance like a most rare jewel". Paul used the same word to describe us as John did to describe the new Heaven and Earth waiting for us at the end of time. And that's pretty awesome!