We're only one month into this new year, yet it has been interesting. I won't go into any kind of detail, but the last month, if I'm being honest, hasn't been easy. In fact, due to several things that have happened, I kind of feel like my life has been turned upside down. But luckily, my world doesn't have to be right-side-up in order for God to work.
A couple weeks ago I was really challenged in my prayer life. I've always been more of a "passive" person of prayer, meaning I'd pray when I needed something (but nothing too spectacular) and I'd thank God for things in my life. However, I hardly ever prayed for huge things. I realized that the mindset I had stemmed from a sense of disbelief. I genuinely did not believe that God could answer some of my prayers, and sometimes it felt irrational to ask. I wouldn't pray about things that seemed utterly impossible. Yes, it is a ridiculous notion because nothing is impossible with God, but my human brain couldn't wrap itself around the idea that He could actually make these things possible.
So cut to the third weekend in January. I was just starting to come out of my "winter blues", which, in my life, is a time ranging from around the middle of November to the beginning of January where I experience more depression than usual. I was listening to a sermon on breakthrough prayer and the pastor challenged us to make a list of things to pray for, and to put anything on the list that came to mind. He then challenged us to spend time praying for those things every day, and to not give up on them, to not get discouraged if we don't see answers right away. I went home and wrote down five things.
And then I kid you not, the very next day, a massive wrench was thrown into one of the things I was praying for. I remember driving to the city and thinking "Okay God, you told me to pray for this impossible thing and it seems to be getting more and more impossible each day. What are you doing here?" Then God reminded me of something that had popped up on my Instagram feed a week before. A verse where Jesus states, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand" [John 13:7 NIV]. That gave me some peace for the time being.
I'm still praying for the five things. Some of them still seem impossible to me. But I know that sometimes it takes months, years, and even decades to get some big answers. In the last week or so however, I have discovered something. While we're waiting for the big answers to come, God throws in some little things that we weren't even asking for. For example, I have prayed numerous times over for God to take my anxiety away, but that hasn't happened. However, answers to that can come in many forms. Sometimes I get to experience His unmistakable peace in moments where my mind feels like chaos. Sometimes I have whole days, or even weeks, where I don't feel anxious at all. I used to have panic attacks frequently, but I haven't had one in four months. I used to take these things for granted; I don't anymore.
The other thing is, sometimes God uses the situations from some prayer requests to answer other ones. I have experienced that in a big way this past month. One of my five big things I'm praying for is to experience more joy in 2017. And despite everything that's been going on, I have experienced more joy. I've been meditating on James 1:2 because it seemed like an obvious choice to me. Without even knowing what I was doing, my best friend sent me the next three verses one day. And my mind was just kind of blown by what God was saying.
"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." [James 1:2-5 NLT. Emphasis is mine.]
So lesson learned here? Don't be afraid to ask God for big things. He may not give you those big things, but all His gifts are good and He gives them abundantly.
