I don’t even know how to begin this post or even where to start in my train of thought, so please bear with me.
One of the stupid things about growing up in a Christian community and hearing about God all the time is that you never really learn anything new about God or being a Christian. The other stupid thing is that you constantly forget everything you already learned about God or being a Christian. And it turns out that almost 100% of the lessons God gives you are lessons that He’s given you over and over and over again.
I was, once again, reminded this week of a lesson God impressed upon me almost two years ago. It was the lesson behind We Fall Down & All In-Betweens. We Fall Down still is one of my favourite worship songs, ever. I honestly don’t even really know where this train of thought is going, because it’s kind of late and my mind is pretty jumbled right now due to a decent amount of coffee and copious amounts of unnecessary stress.
In that post two years ago, I shared an insight that I had about the lyrics of that song. I shared about what I thought it meant to “lay our crowns at the feet of Jesus”. This past Sunday, this song was included among the songs we sang for worship at the church service and I was struck by those lyrics again. And it got me thinking… what crowns have I laid down at the feet of Jesus? What crowns am I afraid to lay down?
As I mentioned before, a crown is a symbol of royalty. Of superiority. A symbol of pride. And that’s exactly what I need to lay down at the feet of Jesus; my pride. I am an incredibly proud person. It bothers me sometimes. Actually, to be truthful, it doesn’t bother me at all… and that’s what bothers me. (If that makes any sense at all.) Pride is toxic, it can permeate everything you do. I’m actually concerned that my pride is starting to shine brighter than Jesus in me. I am the very person I hate. I seem to be quite passionate about not judging other people or other Christians and witnessing using love as opposed to doctrine. But the truth is, I’m the worst judge of people. I judge people who judge people. How messed up is that? I’m so eager to point out the speck in somebody else’s eye, but I don’t even deal with the plank in my own. I’ve always known it’s there, but I’ve always refused to acknowledge it.
I’m too proud to forgive (which you’ll find out in a later post I’m sure, once I get the courage up to actually share with you about that). And that’s dangerous. I’m too proud to own up to the mistakes I’ve made.
Please don’t even take this post as a sudden burst of humility. I’m the farthest thing from humble. I’m not even close to where I should to be in terms of being humble. Humility is honestly something I wish I had, but I don’t. I’m a proud person. This isn’t humility, this is a confession.
Now I challenge you: take a look at your life. Acknowledge the crowns you’ve refused to let go of, the crowns that you are grasping tighter than you’re grasping Christ, and the crowns you just simply are too scared to lay down at the feet of Jesus. Pride is only one of the many crowns that I need to lay down. What are yours?
