Today was Work Day. I thought I'd tell you a little bit about my work days, which I love. We have three different teams: kitchen, domestics, and maintenance. We usually switch teams every two weeks. For the last four weeks I've been on the maintenance team! Today, we completed our project from last week: digging out a trench for water to drain down in the spring. That consumed the whole morning, then in the afternoon, we stacked wood! Not gonna lie, I feel pretty beefy right now!
I've been on all three work day teams, and not surprisingly, kitchen was my favourite. We got to help cook stuff and do food prep stuff. I was in my zone!
I'm sitting in the designated "laptop room" within our girl's dorm, listening to The Band Perry, and remembering some good times. I'm pretty tired, despite the four cups of coffee I've had today. I usually only have two a day! My roommates are getting concerned about my coffee intake!
Today I was thoroughly disgusted by something I did a couple years ago. I was super close with this guy in grade nine and grade ten, and we had liked each other for a while. Well, you know how Facebook message center now stores all your messages from someone in one thread? Today I came across this thread, and for memory lane sake, I read it. I can't even describe what I read in correct words. I was SO mean to him. I lectured him on the tiniest stupidest little things. And in grade ten when I knew he liked me, I pretty much rubbed it in his face that I was dating someone else...
I know that this blog entry seems very juvenile compared to some others, but I thought I'd share that. I want this blog to be a place where I can be open about my thoughts and feelings. I wish I could go back and be nicer to him, but unfortunately life isn't like that. I can't apologize to him, because I'm fairly certain that he hates me now. (When he stopped talking to me, I was shocked because I didn't understand why. Now I know why...)
The one thing that really bothers me is this: I could've totally turned him away from Christ. I told him I was a Christian, we had amazing talks about Christ back in the day, but I wasn't living it. How I treated him could've been a factor in how he views Christ now. He wasn't entirely fond of Christ back then, imagine what he thinks now? After a supposed "Christian" treated him like dirt?
This whole thought process seems very selfish, but I'm just being honest.
I hope he knows that I'm truly sorry. If I wasn't actually sorry the thousand times I apologized to him, I am sorry now. I've been convicted. And I don't even think there'd be a 0.1% chance of him reading this blog, telling him how sorry I am. I feel horrible about this situation.
I pray that I'm not ever as mean to anyone ever again.
Sorry for the rather downer blog entry, but I needed to let out some built up emotion.
Thank you for reading, if you even made it through!
Love,
Janessa
