From Younger Janessa

It's interesting how God chooses to speak to you. It's interesting how He can give someone just the right words to speak truth into your life. It's funny how sometimes that person is a different version of yourself.

I got a letter today. A letter I don't even remember writing. A letter that my 18-year-old self wrote to my future self. Apparently, my today self. A letter I wrote while I was at Capernwray. I don't remember what time during the year I wrote this letter. (I suspect near the end of my time at Capernwray because I sound surprisingly knowledgeable and really mature.) A letter full of reminders.

Honestly, this reminder from my younger self couldn't have possibly come at a better time. I needed this reminder. I needed it. I'm not gonna lie. I've compromised. I've strayed away. Not entirely, but enough that it bothers me. And I guess there's nothing really else to say except to share what the letter said.


Dear Older Janessa, 

God will take you to some dark places. Life will throw you some lemons. People will come and go like seasons. Circumstances change all the time. Sometimes life just isn't fair. But despite these uncertainties in life, I want you to know that God doesn't ever change. He's bigger than the dark places, the seasons of loneliness, and the changing circumstances. And frankly, He makes amazing lemonade when given lemons. Always remember this truth everywhere you go: "Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world." Whatever lies and misleadings Satan may bombard you with, God's truth is bigger and better. 

I want to remind you that as a child of God, you are saved from the wrath and judgment to come. "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ." Hardships and tribulation will come, God promises us that, but we are sealed by His blood and He will protect us from whatever we need to be protected from. "Oh death, where is your sting? Oh hell, where is your victory?" Death is not our defeat, it is our victory. 

Remember that God is the owner and provider of everything. He owns all the money in the world and He entrusts it to whom He pleases. He possesses all the strength in the world and He gives it freely to those who seek it. He holds all the joy in the world and He blesses His children with it. Run to Him for everything you need. "He will supply all of your needs according to the riches and glory in Christ Jesus." 

You are the exact person that God intended you to be. You are beautiful because He made you in His image and He is beautiful. He made you a more quiet and reserved person because He intends to use that personality through you to display His glory. He gave you a stutter because He knew that that would cause you to rely on Him completely. And only when you rely on Him completely are you truly who He made you to be. 

As you are out doing the work of the Lord, I want to remind you who your focus point is: the Lord of the work. 1 Peter 4:11 says, "Whoever speaks, speak as though they are oracles from God; whoever serves, serve as one who serves by the strength that God supplies." 

Yours truly, 
18-year-old Janessa 


I forgot how much God changed and transformed me two years ago. This was a good reminder. It's amazing that God prompted me to write to myself about changing circumstances, seasons of loneliness, dark places, and people coming and going from my life because that's everything I'm facing right now. 18 year old me seemed so put together. I wish 20 year old me was more like that.

God is bigger. God is better. God is brighter.
I need to remember that.

And I hope that this letter can be an encouragement to other people that happen across this blog post during their own dark places and seasons of loneliness.

Thank you for reading.  

The Account of My Discontentment

Wow, I've been a thoroughly bad blogger this past month. But in my defense, my computer hasn't quite been working as well as it usually has for a while. Long story short, my laptop is currently getting fixed somewhere while I sit here at home typing this post on the loaner one that Best Buy gave me.

I realized that I haven't posted something in almost a month! And April has been a frantic month, filled with all sorts of things to share with everyone. I'll probably share over a few posts...

First thing... we have some pre-season staff that have come in! I've only known a few of them for two days now, but they are awesome people. Just hilarious, and we have a good time together. I also finally have a roommate! Chantale! (Only for a month because my last day is at the end of May.)

The main thing I wanted to talk about was my trip back to Capernwray! It feels like it was a long time ago, but I only got home last week Tuesday. It was so different. It was weird going to a place that felt so familiar, but it also felt like all the "wrong" people were there. First off, there were more than just 3 males there this year. There's an even amount of girls and guys, so that made for a whole new atmosphere. It was fun talking with some of the students there this year about the places they've been (or the lack of places they've been, in one guy's case).

It's funny how even when you're not expecting it at all, God speaks to you. (Honestly, I'm surprised that I'm still surprised about this anymore because it's happened a lot.) When I left for Capernwray, I knew that I was wanting to go back there because I wanted to be spiritually revived. If I'm being completely honest, I've been going through a serious case of spiritual dryness for the past who-even-knows-how-long. I have ups and downs. (Well, I mean, everyone does.) During my up moments, I really shouldn't make decisions. My hair is a dark shade of purple right now because of a spontaneous and not-so-thought-out decision I made when I was having a really up kind of day. But that's not the point I'm trying to make. Honestly, I'm not sure entirely sure of the point I'm trying to make...

The day I arrived at Capernwray, I prayed and asked God to speak to me. I wanted to hear His voice, because it seemed like I hadn't heard it for a long time. (Although now, looking back, it's more like I wasn't really listening for it.) All I really wanted was for Him to say something that would bother me. I don't mean bother me in a bad way either. I mean bother me in an I-can't-sleep-because-I-can't-stop-thinking-about-it, this-is-gonna-revolutionize-my-way-of-thinking kind of way. And let me tell you, God delivered. The very first morning.

Thursday mornings at Capernwray are men's and women's devotion times (that's where we get Mennonite and separate into genders and have a devotion time together, as different genders). My friend Janaya (she went for year 2) was leading it that Thursday and she talked about contentment. Now, when I first heard the topic of the devotion, I pretty much shrugged it off because I didn't think I had an issue with not being content. (At Capernwray last year, a huge thing that I was learning was stepping out of my zone of comfort and contentment in life, so I thought my problem was that I was too content with my life.) But the thing that I realized about myself is that I'm not. I don't even remember the last time I was content in life. For years and years, I lived in the past. I would relive past memories, past mistakes, and past regrets. Then I was convicted of this self-destructive way of living, lived in the present for a very brief period of time between Capernwray and summer, then I moved on to living in the future. And I haven't been content since. I'm always looking to the future. The moment I arrive at the next step in my life, I'm looking for the next thing I'm gonna do.

Yes, living in the past is self-destructive, but living in the future is just as much I think. I'm missing out on the awesome opportunities that God has for me right now. Right here in this very moment. This is an area of my life that really needs work...

That's all I'm going to write for tonight, because honestly, what I just wrote doesn't even fully make sense to me, I'm not even sure if I got my point across, or made a point at all, and it's late, and I'm really tired. But my next post I'm going to write about going to see the Watoto Children's Choir while in Quebec and the bothersome thoughts I got from that. (Once again, not bothersome in a bad way.)

Never Changes

I've been home in the 204 for just over a day now. For some reason, being home always feels drastically different when you've been gone for some time. A huge part of me really doesn't want to be at home right now, because that huge part is still in Quebec with those people who have become a very routine part of my life. But I suppose there's a part of me that wants to be home because I just want to continue on with life. There's some exciting stuff.

I  came up with this little saying as a help for when I missed the people at bible school a lot: "Unless you've finished the book, when you end a chapter a new one begins. And you anticipate when you will find the characters from the ending chapter in the future ones. I believe that goodbye is never truly goodbye when you follow Christ, it's just see you soon."

God reminded me through my bible reading last night that He doesn't ever change. I was reading in Luke 12, and Jesus was speaking to the crowds about intrepreting the signs for the end. And, once again, I was struck by this because God has really been teaching me about Himself and what the end actually means in Him. He's been teaching me that one of the things I need to hope in is His return. Anyway, while I was reading this passage and was taken aback because God was continuing to teach me what I had already been learning at Capernwray. I guess, I should've expected it... I mean, just because I changed locations doesn't mean the lessons I'm learning change. So, through this, God reminded me that even though my locations, my circumstances, my emotions, my financial state, and everything else may change, He never ever does. He's the same God through and through.

Another thing that God reminded me on this morning was that He does it all. I was reading in Exodus 6 and I was amazed by how many "I will's" and "I promised's" and "I have's" that were in this passage. Even if I'm approaching a situation that I don't think I can even handle and when I think about it for too long I end up feeling very overwhelmed... God's got it. He will. He promised. And He has.

I have no reason not to trust Him.

Revelation

I apologize that I haven't posted anything really significant in a while. Life at Capernwray has really gotten busy. Since, my last post, I've experienced some really interesting things.


On April 28th, I went to my nation's capital, Ottawa! That was pretty exciting for me. Something I could strike off of my bucket list. The day was very enjoyable. The weather was wonderful and sunny. When we got to Ottawa, the girls and I eat our lunch on the grass in front of the Parliament buildings. We laughed and joked around. It was wonderful. Then we went around taking goofy pictures with the statues outside of the buildings. After that, we went for a tour inside the Parliament buildings. The girls and I spend the rest of the day in an outdoor market and checking out the cute little boutiques in the area. We ended off with a very short visit to the Hard Rock Cafe (it was grab and run).

From April 30th - May 4th, all the students went to help out at a Christian camp in Quebec named Camp des Iles. The week consisted of a lot of raking leaves and a lot of hauling out trees from the forest. By the end of the week, we cleared a good section of the forest out so the camp would have more space for the kids to go play. It's amazing how encouraging it is to a camp when you just go there and say, "Hey we're here to work. How can we help you?" The directors of the camp (which happen to be parents of a staff here) were very thankful at the end of the week.

On May 5th, I went on a once-in-a-lifetime adventure. I'm not joking though... I did really enjoy the experience, but I don't think I'll ever do it again. I went white-water rafting with a couple of the students. It's impossible to stay in the boat and stay dry. Just sayin'. We signed up for two different excursions, but I only ended up doing one. I'm very glad I didn't do the second one too. Apparently, the boat I was in trashed really badly in the worst part of the second excursion, causing everyone to fall out and struggle for air. Even one of my peers said, "Janessa, I'm glad you didn't come. You probably would've cried." Ha. It's true though.

The chapter of my life called Capernwray Quebec is speedily coming to a close. I only have a week and a half left. There's only a week until my dad and little brother come to visit. I only have one more week of classes. Steve is ending the year off with teaching us on Revelation.

I'm really excited to hear what Steve has to say about the book. I still don't really know how I feel about everything pertaining to that book. There doesn't seem to be a middle ground. People either don't have an opinion about it at all or they have way too much of an opinion on it. I've encountered some people that think their opinion is the absolute truth. That bothers me. Some people get so caught up in all the pictures found in Revelation and some people get so caught up in the way things are gonna go down. People get so caught up in the what, where, when, why, and how that they forget what "the End Times" are actually all about: the Who. The first five words of the book of Revelation state what the whole book is all about: "the revelation of Jesus Christ". I don't know what's going to happen, where it's going to happen, when it's going to happen, why it's going to happen or how it's going to happen. But I do know this: Jesus Christ is coming back!

But until that day, whether or not it happens in my lifetime, I'll be waiting.

Let's Serve Lemonade

Life at Capernwray has already started picking up! Last week we were going through Isaiah and this week we went through Galatians and James.


In my personal devotions, I've been reading in Genesis, Judges, Job, Psalm, Proverbs, Isaiah, Mark, Acts, 2 Corinthians, and 1 John. I think that's 10. If not, I may have missed one. I thought that I'd share a little bit from what I've come across in my personal devos.

"Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act." - Psalm 37:3-5
- God has really been showing me the things that I have put my trust in aside from Him. Like, this past week, God showed me that I was putting my trust in His plans, rather than in Himself. Yes, I believe that God prompted me to apply for a job, but I've been putting my trust in getting the job rather than the Giver of every job; Himself. Be careful what you are really putting your trust in.

"The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; he is their stronghold in the time of trouble." - Psalm 37:39
- We receive our salvation from the Lord and the Lord only. We cannot get our salvation from anything else, including religious activity!

"So Joseph found favor in Potiphar's sight and attended him, and he made him overseer of his house and put him in charge of all that he had... And the keeper of the prison put Joseph in charge of all the prisoners who were in prison. Whatever was done there, he was the one who did it." - Genesis 39:4, 22
- Joseph got sold into slavery, but God had amazing plans for him there. Joseph got wrongly accused of having sexual relations with Potiphar's wife and got thrown into prison, but God also had amazing plans for him there. Lesson to be learned: when life throws you lemons (or something more sour, because I actually kinda like lemons), God has amazing plans for the kind of lemonade He wants to be made! An analogy, of course, but I'm sure He appreciates a refreshing glass of lemonade.

"As each one has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies - in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen." - 1 Peter 4:10-11
- I have really come to LOVE this passage. This may be wrong or it may be right, but this was how this passage was explained to me: Paul split the spiritual gifts into two categories. Gifts of speaking and gifts of serving. How I view this is up-front gifts and behind-the-scenes gifts. So whoever speaks should speak as though they are speaking the very words of God. And whoever serves should serve as though serving with the very strength of God. That's encouraging, because I know what it's like to serve on my own strength. It's exhausting. If you have true faith in Christ, you are a vessel of His strength. But why? "In order that in everything God may be glorified."

So, those are a few of the lessons I've learned or been reminded of in the past two weeks.

The last thing is a prayer request from me to you. I've been having trouble with my sleep lately. I wake up tired all the time. I know it's not because of irregular routine or because of a lack of sleep, but the amount of sleep I get is unsatisfying. So just thought I'd pop that out at you all.

You should listen to this song. It's powerful.

- You Love Me Anyway -

[verse 1]

The question was raised
As my conscience fell
A silly, little lie
It didn’t mean much
But it lingers still
In the corners of my mind
Still you call me to walk
On the edge of this world
To spread my dreams and fly
But the future’s so far
My heart is so frail
I think I’d rather stay inside

[chorus]
But You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known
You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me
How You love me

[verse 2]

It took more than my strength
To simply be still
To seek but never find
All the reasons we change
The reasons I doubt
And why do loved ones have to die?

[chorus]

But You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known
You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

[bridge 1]
I am the thorn in Your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas’ kiss
But You love me anyway

[bridge 2]

See now, I am the man that called out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground
Yes then, I turned away with this smile on my face
With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night, I still called out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life

[ending]

But You love me anyway

It's like nothing in life that I've ever known

Yes, you love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

You love me, You love me
You love me, You love me
How You love me
How You love me
 How You love me 

- Sidewalk Prophets -

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter weekend! I went to a Passover celebration at a Messianic church in Montreal. It was really different, but really cool. Everyone should have the chance to celebrate Passover with a Messianic congregation. Gives you a new perspective on Jesus as the Passover Lamb. 

The Adventure Continues...

I apologize for not posting during my spring break. I meant to, but I never had the patience to sit down and think about what I wanted to say.

My spring break was rather interesting. I got sick three days in, and stayed sick throughout the whole time being home. But that was okay. I ended up spending copious amounts of time with my family, just watching movies and stuff. That was nice. Although if I'm being honest, I have to say that I really didn't want to come back to Capernwray yesterday. I felt as though my break wasn't done yet. But I'm here now anyway, if a little bit reluctantly. But I refuse to let that feeling interfere with what God wants to teach me today and this week.

God really taught me one lesson through and through during my spring break. Maybe it wasn't so much as a lesson as it was a reminder of something I already knew. Something that I'm sure everyone already knows. It's the lesson that God is always there. This lesson first came to me during study project presentations when one of my fellow students shared out of Joel. In Joel, the prophet repeats the words "never again will my people be put to shame" lots. Using this passage, Jordan (the person presenting this prophet) reminded us of another place in Scripture where God repeats Himself. "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." (Joshua 1:9, Hebrews 13:5) Twice repeated, twice as comforting.

Then God really pounded in this message to me over the spring break while I was sick. Never once did I ever feel alone. Never once did I ever question God's whereabouts because I knew that He was there. Usually when something goes wrong in my life, the first question I ask is "Where are you, God?" But this time, I never had to ask because He made Himself known to me. It was a really cool experience. Even when I was grumbling and complaining about being sick (I have a serious problem with grumbling and complaining), He was still there, listening to my complaints. Felt quite ashamed at times of my childness.

Anyway, that's the reminder I got from God over spring break. Now I'm at Capernwray, learning about Isaiah this week from Bruce Campbell. We've only had one session (which was this morning), but it seems really interesting so far. He was one of my favourite lecturers in the fall term. Next week, I think Lawrence Jansen is coming again. This time to teach us Galatians. He was another one of my favourites in the fall term, so I'm really looking forward to what he has to say on Galatians.

There has been something crazy going on in my life for the last couple weeks. It started off as this crazy fantasy of working in the kitchen at a camp, but it has turned into this burden that I carry on my back. In the beginning, it really felt like God was the one orchestrating this crazy adventure, but now it seems like the doors of my heart have been coming to a close on this. But I don't know if it's God closing the door or if it's been just me. I'm in the process of filling out a summer staff application for this camp, but all the personal questions have me stressed out. In fact, every time I even so much as think about this camp or even look at the application, I start to feel incredibly overwhelmed by all of it. That is something that I could definitely use prayer for. Just pray that my heart will be in it if that's the ministry God wants to place me in.

Nothing but the Best

So the winter term at Capernwray Quebec is coming to a close. Tomorrow I will fly back home for my spring break, which I'm super pumped about. So much stuff happening and going through my mind.

Last term, I just relayed the lessons I had learned, but for this "term wrap-up" blog, I've decided to pick a few verses from the Bible that I've learned lessons from. I won't explain all the lessons I've learned from these verses, but I'll still write out all the verses.

1) 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 -> "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
- I've always been huge on practical things that I can do. I think this verse is very practical. The instructions: be joyful, pray, be thankful. And when you really think about these things, they should be easy to acknowledge. Maybe not easy in the out-working on them, but that's where faith in God comes in. When you find yourself being grumpy or moody, choose to be happy instead (this one's especially hard for me). Keep that open channel with God. Always be ready to hear His voice and to actually listen to it. I don't think that "praying without ceasing" means that you constantly, 24/7, have to be talking to God, but just going through life with a prayerful attitude. Always being in tune to God. And simply, be thankful. In every situation you find yourself in, be thankful for something. This verse does not mean that you need to be thankful for every circumstance, but to be thankful in every circumstance. That's something that I need to work on, but it's something I'm learning.

2) 1 Thessalonians 5:24 -> "He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it."
- God's faithfulness astounds me all the time. I got a chance to look at this characteristic of God during my study project in Zephaniah. God was so faithful to the Israelites. He split the Red Sea. He gave them water (3 times) and food from the heavens. He physically was with them in the form of a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. Yet the Israelites still didn't believe in God's faithfulness. Some of them still tried to go back to Egypt after that! At first glance, I just laugh and think that the Israelites are stupid. But then I realize that I do that all the time! I'll be astounded by God's faithfulness to me one day and then totally get stressed out the next day thinking that He's not big enough for the current problem. And I constantly find myself wanting to go back to my "Egypt". And God is the same: yesterday, today, and forever. So, one of the girls here posed this question in her study project: if God's faithfulness was the only thing you had in your back pocket, would that be enough?

3) Zephaniah 3:17 -> "The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with singing."
- Would you look at all of those 'wills' in there? God's faithfulness.

4) Micah 6:8 -> "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?"

5) 2 Timothy 2:22 -> "So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart."
- Read this blog post: The Pursuit of True Happiness

6) Habakkuk 2:1 -> "I will take my stand at my watchpost and station myself on the tower, and look out to see what he will say to me, and what I will answer concerning my complaint."
- Read this blog post: The Watchpost

7) Malachi 1:13b -14 -> "You bring what has been taken by violence or is lame or sick, and this you bring as your offering! Shall I accept that from your hand? says the Lord. Cursed be the cheat who has a male in his flock, and vows it, and yet sacrifices to the Lord what is blemished. For I am a great King, says the Lord of hosts, and my name will be feared among the nations."
- God wants good sacrifices. I know that animal sacrifices don't apply to us anymore (thank God for Jesus Christ and our salvation through His death and resurrection!), but we still give other sacrifices to God. We sacrifice our time, our money, our habits, our hobbies, etc. for Him. And according to Romans 12:1, we're supposed to be offering ourselves up as living sacrifices. When animals sacrifices still applied, in the OT, God wanted the choice lamb. No blemishes, no broken legs, no tainted skin; nothing but the best. Do we still offer up "nothing but the best" for Him?

Well, those are just a few things that I've been learning and pondering for the last two and a half months. I've been learning a lot more, but I'm afraid I just don't have the time nor the energy to expound on any more for now. Maybe later. Or if you see me over my break, feel free to ask. I'd love to chat with you about all I've been learning. As Matt Mclean says, "You are blessed to be a blessing."

I've even been learning quite a bit more French. Of course I can't speak it that great, but my writing's not too shabby! "Je vous aime tous! Hier nous avons mangé des burritos pour dîner." Yay! And that's no word of a lie... we did have burritos yesterday. BBQ pulled pork burritos. They were so yummy!

The Watchpost

This week was fantastic. We had classes with Christine Wichart, who was teaching us all about church history. We went through everything from the Apostle Peter to Billy Graham. The class was called "Faithfulness Through the Ages"... and it was really cool to see how God was faithful in preserving His Church and His Word throughout the centuries. We also had study project presentations this week. I've never known so much about the minor prophets in my life. The minor prophets really are a treasure that everyone should read. We get to be reminded of the God we don't normally read about, a God of wrath and jealousy. Yet He's the same God we cherish so much in the New Testament. Even in the minors we get to see His love and mercy.


So, my devotional thought is from the minor prophets this time:
"I will take my stand at my watchpost and station myself on the tower, and look out to see what he will say to me, and what I will answer concerning my complaint."
- Habakkuk 2:1

Habakkuk was lifting up his worries and complaints to the Lord about the Babylonians coming to destroy Judah. And he was waiting on the Lord to answer him.

Think about what it means to stand at the watchpost of a city. It's a commitment, it's a job you can't just leave. You can't just leave the watchpost because you're tired or bored. Yeah, it may be an incredibly boring job... just standing there and waiting for something or someone to come along, but you still can't leave. Is this the same attitude we have when we're waiting on the Lord? Or do we wait on the Lord until we get bored or tired of it, then just leave?

I know I'm guilty of this. I tend to wait on the Lord until I'm tired of waiting for Him, and then I go off trying to solve the problems I presented to Him on my own. How absurd is that? Often times it seems like we're waiting for a long time, but really, He's already started working. We tend to cover our eyes to the subtle things He does, but then scream and beg for Him to show us obvious things.

We need to let God open up our spiritually blind eyes.

Zephie the Ninja & Valentine's

It's Saturday night. I'm listening to Owl City, because I've really come to love him. I've discovered a few new songs by him as well. He did a cover of Taylor Swift's Enchanted, for Taylor. He also did covers of In Christ Alone and How Deep the Father's Love For Us... two of my favourite church choruses!
Anyway, I've been working like mad on my study project for the past two days. I feel like I haven't come out of my room alot this weekend. I've nicknamed my minor prophet (for the study project) Zephie the ninja! The minor prophet is Zephaniah.

This weekend, when I wasn't hoarding up in my room working so diligently on my study project, I played a lot of games. On Thursday night, a bunch of us got together and played this game called Boxers or Briefs (it's like Apples to Apples). Then last night, a bunch of us played Quelf... which is probably the most random game in the world, but it's so much fun!

I know that a couple entries ago I talked about a list I was making, that I'd post on Valentine's. Which I didn't end up posting. Sorry for that, I actually kinda forgot about it. Capernwray life just got kinda busy, so I never got to finish said list. But it will go up sometime, because I still feel like it's important.

My Valentine's Day was interesting for sure. Normally I'm kind of apathetic towards Valentine's Day, but for some reason, this year was different. And I know that it's because I missed home. My roommate Yemima didn't really know what was going on because I cried. I don't cry alot, so she didn't know what to do. Basically I was missing my best friend. Valentine's was always our day. We'd get together, watch cheesy love movies, drink chocolate milk, and eat chips. And I was missing that this year. Plus she now has a serious boyfriend.

Valentine's Day has always been a day about celebrating friendship, even when I had a boyfriend. This year I just tried to remind myself about God's love and the friendships I've built here. I can't say though that these friendships are quite like what me and Joy have.

Anyway, that went a little deeper than I thought it would. Ha, good night!

World Religions - Pillars of the Fath

A couple weeks ago, one of my friends gave me the idea of sharing some of my completed assignments. So today I'm going to post my most recent assignment: World Religions - Pillars of the Faith.
Basically, as you know, my class went on Temple Tours this past week, and two weeks ago we had classes on all the major world religions. Our assignment was to give the pillars of their faith systems or religions. We also were challenged to add Christianity into our assignment.

Buddhism

- There are three pillars of the Buddhist religion: following the 5 precepts, maintaining the noble 8-fold path, and detaching yourself from the things of this world. The five precepts are as follows: don't take another's life, don't steal, abstain from sexual misconduct and sensual overindulgence, don't lie, and avoid intoxication. The noble 8-fold path consists of maintaining a right view, right resolve, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right concentration, and right ecstacy. Lastly, you must detach yourself from the things of this world because attachment to the world brings suffering.

Isalm

- There are five main pillars of the Isalmic religion. The first is called "shahadah", which means your conversion. The second is called "salat", which means prayer. The Muslims do five daily prayers (before sunrise, at noon, in the afternoon, at sunset, and in the evening). The third is called "zakat", which means tithing. The fourth is called "sawm", which means fasting. The Muslims fast during the month of Ramadan, which is the month that their last prophet, Muhammad, got words from Allah, their god. The last is called "hajj", which is a pilgrimage to Makkah. Once in a Muslim's life, if physically and financially able, they need to go on a pilgrimage to Makkah, which is their holy city.

Hindu

- There are four main pillars of the Hindu religion: karma, dharma, artha, and moksha. Karma is living a good life, full of good deeds, in order to reincarnate into something better in your next life. Dharma is fulfilling your social, moral, and religious duties. Having good dharma gives you good karma. Artha is satisfying the desires of god. Moksha is the ultimate goal for Hindus. It is attaining liberation from the cycle of reincarnation and becoming one with their god.

Sikh

- There are five main pillars of the Sikh religion. In order to remain a baptized Sikh, you must follow these five pillars, or the five K's: kesh, kangha, kara, kirpan, and kachera. Kesh refers to their symbol of strength, which is uncut hair. A baptized Sikh will never cut their hair. Kangha refers to their symbol of hygiene, which is a wooden comb. A baptized Sikh will always wear this wooden comb in their hair. Kara refers to their symbol of an eternal god, which is an iron bracelet. A baptized Sikh will always wear an iron bracelet on the wrist of their dominant hand. Kirpan refers to their symbol of justice, which is a knife. A baptized Sikh will wear a special knife either on top of or underneath their clothing. Kachera refers to their symbol of fidelity, which is an undergarment. A baptized Sikh will always wear a special kind of undergarment.

Christianity

- I think the main pillar of Christian faith, which makes it unique from any other religion, is that it's not about our actions, but it's about having faith in Jesus Christ, Lord and resurrected Saviour of all. Because it's not about our actions, it's hard to pin-point specific pillars or disciplines in the Christian faith. Though, generally, the following disciplines are practiced as an outworking of our faith in Christ: reading the Bible, praying, tithing, evangelism, and fellowship.



From India to Israel

We just finished a super big week at Capernwray Quebec. A big week, filled with all kinds of religious activity. On Wednesday afternoon, we visited a Buddhist temple in Ste. Julienne. On Thursday, we visited a Jewish synagogue (the largest and most prestigous in Montreal), St. Joseph's Oratory (Catholic), and a Muslim Mosque. And on Friday, we visited a Hindu temple and a Sikh temple. The point of visiting these different places of worship was to learn more about their religion.

The Buddhist temple was interesting. It didn't really help that the Buddhist monk there didn't speak English; he spoke the language of Laos and a little bit of French. So I didn't really learn too much from the visit, but I know quite a bit about Buddhism already, so it was okay. While everyone was trying to listen to the French and Laos that was going on, I just scanned the temple. There were so many statues and colourful trees. It was really cool looking, but it just baffled me.

The Jewish synagogue was my second favourite visit out of all of them. The synagogue was so extravagant. It really amazed me. The main hall where they hold their services is HUGE. The rabbi who showed us around was super funny. He was making jokes and stuff all the time. What was really cool was that he pulled out one of the Torah scrolls and sang some of it to us.




St. Joseph's Oratory gave me the heebie-jeebies. I've never really understood a lot of the Catholic religion. This oratory was very much focused on the man that founded it, Brother Andre. We even went into the crypt church beneath it to see his tomb. These two women were praying to this tomb. There were two men praying to this wall as well. Also, Brother Andre's heart was taken from his body and pickled. This I found rather disturbing. Let's just say I was glad to get out of there... I really loved the architecture though.

 The Muslim Mosque was certainly interesting! There was a man there that decided to try to prove to us that Jesus actually never died or rose again. He tried to quote the Bible, but he quoted the Bible wrong. It was kind of unprofessional. But, in turn, I thought that my fellow students weren't very respectful either, not in the Mosque, but after, on the drive home. Some of them felt the need to pick apart everything the guy said about Jesus and put the guy down. It's been two days and they are still talking about it. Just because he was disrespectful toward us doesn't give us the right to be disrespectful to them, including when they aren't present.

The Hindu temple was certainly interesting. Our tour guide was a world religions professor from McGill University (who I suspect, even though he didn't directly reveal it, was a follower of Hinduism). Something I learned about Hindus that I didn't know before: they actually only believe in one god, Sheva (or depending on the denomination, Vishnu). The reason they have so many idols and altars is because their "god" has many different ways of manifesting himself/herself/itself. See, I'm actually learning stuff on this tour!

The Sikh temple was my favourite place actually. The lady that toured us around was super nice and very respectful. I had never heard of this religion before, so I learned a ton. The Sikh religion actually does not care about people converting. Sikhs are actually encouraged to learn about other religions! Their belief is that all religions follow one god and that in the end, we will all be together. So, instead of pressuring people to convert to their religion, Sikhs actually encourage people to seek and follow their own religion. It was a nice change from other religions. Equality is very important to them also. Men and women are completely equal, so are Sikhs and non-Sikhs. Afterward, they also served us lunch. Indian bread, curry lentil soup, yogurt, and homemade chai tea. It was so delicious!

Now, what did I come away with? Honestly, I came away with more of an assurance of my faith. To me, Christianity is sounding more and more like the only thing that makes sense. Now, I don't want to sound conceited or to come across as someone who has "arrived", but I honestly don't feel like it's necessary to bash other religions. Yes, what they believe isn't true, but that doesn't give us merit to bash them. Let's help them. After learning about their religions, let's not make fun of them or put them down, because honestly, how is that representing Christ to them? Even if they don't know about our making fun or bashing, we still know and so does God. I was really bothered by what happened pretty much every day on the way home from these various temples; bashing. God finds them just as valuable as any one of us, even if they don't acknowledge it.

I'm going to end this entry on a lighter note... this is going to sound like deja vu, but guess what happened on Wednesday night while I was doing dishes! I sliced my pointer finger open. It was nothing a little gauze and polysporin couldn't solve, but just thought I'd share.

Breathe In, Breathe Out

I don't really know what to do with myself today! It's Sunday at Capernwray, and I would normally be hurrying to do my assignment, but this weekend I finished my assignment early. I finished it yesterday. I only did for one reason though.
You see, I got this new book! It's called 'The Case for a Creator' by Lee Strobel... and it's so great! Anyway, one of the girls here took it away from me, saying that I could only get it back when I was done my assignment. The only logical thing to do: finish my assignment as fast as possible... so I did!

I realized yesterday that I'm kind of a weird person. I would rather read a non-fiction information book than a fiction book. I mean, I'm so pumped about reading this book that's full of science... nerd much? Ha, oh well, I'm okay with being weird. I also don't like pizza, which everyone here thinks is weird. I also have a really strange selection of music... lots of contemp Christian, along with some Michael Buble (because your iTunes isn't complete until it has that), lots of country, and my personal favourite... Owl City. Also, one of my favourite things to do in the world is to read blogs. I love it when my friends have blogs... but not very many of them do. I also like making lists...

The current list that I'm working on (which I plan to post on Valentine's Day) is the little things I love in life. I'm the type of person who often focuses on the bad things in life, so I decided that I would create a list of all the strange and not-so-strange things I love in life. The very first entry of this blog (the "getting to know me" one) has ten of the things that will be included on this list!

I think the people reading this blog should also make a list of the little things they love in life... then email them to me! I'd love to read 'em. I think my list is going to consist of about 100 things.

I've been thinking about my future again, which usually only causes frustration and stress on my part. But it's been okay lately. I know that I'm probably going to be working next year because I don't have any money to do anything else. I also really want to get involved in my church when I'm home again. Don't know what to do, but I trust that God'll find somethin' for me to do! And I think I'm fairly certain as to what I want to take in university. I know I've said that for a long time and it keeps changing, but I've decided not to worry about what I want to do in my life. I'm going to go to university for what interests me... biology and religious studies. There's lots of stuff that you can do with those, and I bet I'll enjoy most of them.

Anyway, you guys are probably wondering... "Janessa, are you still in bible school? 'Cause you haven't posted anything that you've learned in a while?" Well, you are in luck today!

According to what Jesus said in Matthew 22:36-40, the two greatest commandments are to love God and to love others. I've kind of learned how to understand these commandments a bit better. It's a lot like breathing.

Loving God is like breathing in. And loving others is like breathing out. You have to breathe in, in order to breathe out. And you have to breathe out, in order to breathe in. Try only breathing in... doesn't work. You have to exhale at some time. Try only breathing out... doesn't work. You have to inhale at some time. Love God and love others, the two go hand-in-hand.

This has revolutionize my life, actually. I've realized that I actually dislike loving others, but I have no problem with only loving God. But that's not the way God intended. I can't only inhale. And I can't love others without first loving God. I need to breathe in and breathe out.

Something to chew on.

Oh and I got new glasses!

Jump then Fall

Later this weekend I will fill you in on what I've been learning in classes and whatnot, but this entry I want to use as a personal discovery reflection. That didn't really make much sense, maybe it'll make more sense after I explain.

I notified some of you about my testimony-sharing that was to happen on Friday. Just thought I'd inform you that it went splendidly. Later that day, a girl from Winnipeg told me that she was proud of the fact that I left Steinbach because she said that a lot of girls in rural Manitoba areas just stay there... marry someone from around there and just get stuck there.

So after this encounter, today to be exact, I was listening to music and Taylor Swift's "Jump then Fall" song came on. And as some of you know, I often get strangely inspired by her music. The lyrics in this song that inspired me are: "don't be afraid to jump then fall".

I've decided that my life goal is going to be just that: not to be afraid to jump then fall. I'm always been scared to step out in the world, and recently, I've been learning that it's okay. 'Cause God will always be with me. I know that God's gonna call me to great things (whether it be in Manitoba or not) and I don't want to be too freaked out to actually do them! I want to be open to taking risks.

I don't wanna be afraid to jump then fall.

McGill to Romans to Armpits to Music Team

Week two is coming to a close. This weekend is going to be great, full of assignments and hanging out. I'm really excited about it. We're actually hosting a group of university students from McGill University this weekend, so it'll be fun to hang out with them and get to know them a little bit.
We finished up Romans this week, and went through the book of Hebrews. What a jam-packed week! Two very bulky books, in my opinion. I've been learning lots from both of them. In Romans, we hit a lot of the controversial things (like predestination, foreknowledge, etc.). I realized this week that I'm actually not as opinionated on those subjects as most people are. I used to be really opinionated on it (when I didn't even know enough to have an opinion on it lol). I don't really understand why people get so frustrated on those subjects. Yes, my human brain cannot wrap itself around the concept that God predestined as to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, while still giving us free will. But I honestly don't really think we need to understand it. We can't understand everything about God... and that's the beauty of it, He's God. He's not like us, thank goodness.

Next week we're learning about 1 Peter and World Religions. I'm really excited about those actually. I think it'll be really sweet to learn about other religions in the world, what they're all about and stuff. That's something I'm interested in. Just to see what other people believe. One day I know that I'll probably run into lots of people that don't believe the same thing as me (basically just have to leave Steinbach and bible school), and I want to be able to talk to them. I would like to be able to understand where they're coming from.

Community Help team has been going really good. We've nicknamed ourselves "pleine de muscles", which translates to "full of muscles". I'm not quite there yet, but maybe sometime in the future. We shovelled snow again on Tuesday, for the same elderly couple. There is a ridiculous amount of snow here. I'm not sure if it ever stops snowing! Man, did my muscles ever hurt the next day! Did you know that there's a muscle in your armpit? Who knew! I didn't until I discovered that it hurt on Wednesday!

Now... in this bit of news, I will be needing some prayer. In two weeks, Capernwray Quebec is hosting a youth retreat. As in us, the students, are organizing a youth retreat for local kids. Each of us first year students are separated into three groups: decorating, games, and music. You would NOT believe which group I'm in. That's right: I'm on the music team. Oh, and it gets better: I'm singing, with only one other girl. I'm so scared, it's not even funny! I must've sang too loudly in the shower one day in order to get myself into this position. Don't get me wrong, I think I'll enjoy it. The others on the team are so musically talented... and I just feel like I'm mediocre. I guess I'd just like prayer for the songs I have to learn, for working together with a team, a little more confidence (not too much), and a little less nervousness!

These are a few of the songs I have to learn:
Our God is Love - Hillsong United
Your Love Never Fails - Jesus Culture
No One Like You - David Crowder Band
You're Beautiful - Phil Wickham (I will personally enjoy this one the best because I really like this song, but I don't know it. I've only heard it a couple times.)
The Time Has Come - I forget who this is by
Set Free - Chris Tomlin & Matt Redman

I only actually know two of the songs (as in know the lyrics, I've heard them all before at least once) that we're singing over the weekend. Those songs are: The Stand by Hillsong United and How He Loves by David Crowder Band. Looks like I'm going to be only listening to the above eight songs for the next two weeks... I'll have to set aside my country and Jack Johnson. Shucks.

I invite all of you to download and listen to these songs for the next two weeks with me! Even better if you already have them! But things could be worse. I mean, my preparation for my youth retreat job is listening to music... how much better could it get?

Simple is Beautiful

Oh the joys of Capernwray!
I've completed my very first week in the winter break. Although, it seems like I've been here for longer, probably because I have kinda been here for longer (I was just gone for a month).

This week, Steve taught us about the book of Romans! Ooooooooh. It was really good. We aren't done it yet though, because Steve always takes more than one week to teach a book. Next week we're doing the rest of Romans and then Matt is teaching us about the book of Hebrews. Oooooooooh!

I've been learning a ton of stuff already, but surprisingly, it's actually not coming from the classes. The cook and I are doing a Bible reading plan. Basically, this plan splits the Bible into ten sections. I'm supposed to read ten chapters of the Bible a day, one chapter from each section. The sections are:
1) Matthew, Mark, Luke, John
2) Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy
3) Romans, the Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians
4) the Thessalonians, the Timothies, Titus, Philemon, James, the Peters, the Johns, Jude, Revelation
5) Job, Ecclesiates, Song of Solomon
6) Psalm
7) Proverbs
8) the History books (Joshua through Esther)
9) the Prophets (Isaiah through Malachi)
10) Acts
After you're done reading each section, you start over from the beginning of that sections. So as you read the Bible, all the sections and chapters start to wind together. In the end, you'll end up reading Acts and Proverbs A LOT. And they are really good books.

I actually started this plan before Christmas break, but I wasn't very diligent at home with reading my chapters. I've been doing significantly better whilst at school.

Anyway, what I want to tell you guys in this blog entry is that the simplest verses, that you've heard a thousand times before, can all of a sudden sound incredibly amazing to you. This happened to me this week.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all

circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

What astounds me about this verse is that it's so simple. What also amazes me is that the three things mentioned here all work together. In all circumstances, I need to give thanks, rejoice, and pray continually. A lot of people say that it is more difficult to do these three things during hard circumstances, but I beg to differ. For me, I find it harder to rejoice, give thanks, and pray continually when things are going good. When things are going good, I often forget about God's goodness. I become blinded by the mindset that I've got to this good place alone, when really I haven't. In fact, it's pretty impossible to come to a good place without God. I tell ya though, I have no problem getting myself into a bad place. I don't need help with that, ha.

Anyway, that's just one of the things I've learned through my reading of the Bible.

I've started to really get into books by Lee Strobel. I read his "The Case for Christ" book and absolutely loved it. I ordered two more of his books today from Amazon: "The Case for a Creator" and "The Case for the Real Jesus". I'm really excited to get them.

Last night, all of us got together in the main lounge, around the fireplace, and cooked bannock. That was super fun. It was all very cozy and stuff. Greg made this delightful chocolate spread to put on the cooked cannock. It was amazing!

Anyway, until next week!

Lost in the Woods

I've been "home" at Capernwray for two-ish days now. I just got back from shovelling snow at an old couple's house in Rawdon. That's what the community help team did today. We shovelled snow for about an hour, then went inside to have a snack and play some Skip-Bo with the couple. That was super fun.

I flew completely by myself for the first time. First time going through security by myself, finding the gate by myself, and getting my own luggage in Montreal by myself. I even used one of those luggage carts for the first time (I love those things, they are awesome!). I know that it doesn't seem like much, but I think it's a pretty big accomplishment for me.

We have 9 new students this term. A couple girls from Germany, a guy from BC, a couple of girls from Alberta, another girl from Quebec, a girl from Brazil, and even one girl from Winnipeg. They're all pretty awesome. I haven't completely got a chance to get to know all of them yet, but I'm sure that I will get the chance.

Yesterday, basically all of us went on a walk up to High Point. Then a few of the guys had the idea that we should go down the cliff into the forest and a bunch of snow. Instead of just doing back up the cliff/hill and following the trail back to the school, we decided to just find another way back. We ended up getting lost. Luckily, there was someone with an iPhone, so we GPSed our way back. So we ended up practically hiking for an hour, all together as a group!

Well, just wanted to let you know what was going on with me in Quebec. Classes have been good so far. We are currently in the book of Romans, which Steve is teaching us. I'll probably post again at the end of the week talking about some stuff I've learned because Romans is quite a loaded book.

Ahhh... it's good to be back at Capernwray :)

Love,
Janessa

Back to the 204!

Bonjour mes amies!
Don't worry, this blog post won't be all in French. I don't know enough French yet to write my own French blog post. Maybe one day... someday.

The snow didn't stay. It melted. But it snowed again! How long will it stay?

Today is my last day at Capernwray for the year of 2011. Hmm, the sentiment! I just finished a half work day, and tonight we will party... partying the Christmas way! It'll be a crack! (Irish - good time!)

I've decided that this would be my term wrap-up blog. I won't post any pictures on this one, but one to come in the future, perhaps while sitting in Al McDicko's in Steiner using their wifi!

Here are some things I've learned in the past two and a half months:

1) God provides. God provided for me to go to bible school. Not in the way I really wanted, but that's okay. I was supposed to pay my parents back everything I owed them before I came, and there was a point in the summer when that seemed impossible! I was expecting a random cheque to come in the mail like I see on the movies, but nope, my boss just doubled my hours! Also, my roommate wasn't sure if she was going to come back for the winter term because of the finance situation, so we prayed about it. That same day, she got a call from her church saying that someone had donated $2000 to her. And just last week she got $500 more. It's still not enough to pay for the winter term, but it's a start. And it's super reassuring that this is where God wants her to be. Something I shouldn't, and everyone shouldn't, forget is that we thank God for the provision way too often. We should be thanking God for being the Provider!

2) Resting in God is super important. I am an extreme introvert, who has been living with 13 other girls in close quarters for the last two and a half months. At first, I didn't find it that hard to get alone time, because it was nice out so I just went for walks all the time. But now, when it's cold and everyone's inside all the time, it's super hard to find quiet time and alone time. I've really come to cherish my alone time with God because He restores me. I used to not think that alone time with God could actually be my alone time because I was under the impression that my alone time could only be doing things that I wanted to do. Pretty selfish, huh?

3) God equips the people He calls. I was chosen to be a part of the community help team. We often just raked leaves for people because there are TONS of trees around here. Raking leaves is hard work, especially when you have to carry the leaves uphill to where you dump them. And if you know me, you know that I don't have a ton of physical strength. I used to have some, from working at Smitty's and lifting 25 lbs. pans of bacon above my head every day. But by the time I got here, my muscles were sadly dwindling. But God equipped me with the strength I needed every time. And I think I was able to gain some muscle out of it too. But sadly, when I come back in January, that muscle may be gone again! Then I'll start the process over.

4) God uses community to smooth out rough edges in our lives. This is the very first time that I've been living in a dorm/community setting. I'm used to boys, not girls. I'm not used to having to strategically plan my mornings around when other people use the washrooms. Living in community is, by far, the hardest thing I've ever had to experience in my life, and it's not done yet, but I am grateful still. Living in community is like refining diamonds. Diamonds can only have damaged done to them by other diamonds. So, to smooth out the rough edges of diamonds, you place it with other diamonds. But if you don't add water to the diamond bowl, the diamonds just end up destroying each other. Water protects the diamond from not getting completely destroyed. Such is with living in community. Inevitably, people living together are going to end up irritated and hating one another. But having God at the center of community protects us. God is the water in this situation. That was quite a long analogy, I apologize. And I might not have told it right, but hey, it's just something I remember someone here at Capernwray saying.

So those are just four things I've learned here at Capernwray Fall Term. I've learned a ton more, but honestly, I can't really remember a lot of anything right now. Information overload, haha. I fear that I've lost knowledge of the things I learned in high school because I have no room for it left in my brain. So much biblical stuff, French stuff, and German stuff has been stuffed into my mind. I've even found myself forgetting when people's birthdays are, which I never had a problem remembering before! I used to be so good at remembering people's birthdays! (Thank goodness for Facebook and Moms!)

In light of all knowledge you can have with biblical stuff though, we musn't forget that Christ is truly the center of it all. We don't need to understand everything. We don't need to "get" all the doctrines or theology. We just need to believe. Believe Christ. Because He is what is true. In a world that strives on falsehoods, Christ is always true.

love,
Janessa

P.S. Manitoba, I'll see ya tomorrow!

A Frank Sinatra Christmas

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
It snowed yesterday again in Quebec, but the real question around here is: will it stay?

I have played my Frank Sinatra Christmas album on my iTunes several times already. I'm writing this blog by our lovely Christmas tree in the main building, with the white lights bouncing off the coloured balls to create a really cool coloured disco ball setting. I've eaten my third chocolate from my advent calendar too! This is the life.

There's less than a week until I go home, which I'm super excited about. I'm excited to spend time with my family. To go to my home church on Sunday. To hang out with my friends. To see my friend who's pregnant. She's gonna be so big!

How did study projects go? They went fantastic!

We had our Christmas Open House last night. We had over 150 people attend. Which is wonderful for this area. Lots of them were from Renaissance, the church we attend. But there were lots from around the community. The staff were all very excited.

That's the extent of my blog today. I'm not really sure what else to say.
Love,
Janessa

Don't Blink

Wow. I only have one-ish week left! I won't give a term wrap-up blog entry because I'll probably do that next week, with some pictures posted from our Christmas party.

Today is Tuesday, but that's obvious, you know that. I've been slightly dreading this day for a long time (pretty well a month). Tonight I'm presenting my very first study project and I'm super nervous. My LTS says that I have no reason to be, but I'm still nervous. It's not the presenting that makes me nervous though because Capernwray Quebec is a very comfortable and familiar place, but it's the material that I'm presenting. I just feel like it's not good enough. But realistically, it doesn't really matter if it's not academically good. Study projects are just sharing with other people what God's been teaching you through a specific passage. There's no right or wrong answer really, but at the same time there is. Because people can right out tell if something is wrong. I'm just nervous because I hold some beliefs that I've found out that people here don't share.

So I'm just gonna keep telling myself this tonight: I'll be fine, if I let God do the talking and not me! Janessa's just gonna have to shut up for a little while and let God speak through her!

I realized today, while being driven around for community help outreach, that I really miss driving in Manitoba. Quebec is so hilly and curvy and twisty (which are all very beautiful things), but Manitoba's flat and straight. And Manitoba driving gets along with my stomach a lot better! I cherish the times when I would be driving without feeling nauseated every time. Oh, good old Manitoba.

Another thing I realized today was that I'm experiencing something totally normal out here. This is my first real adventure away from home. Even though my permanent residential address is my parent's house, I'm still living outside my parent's house. It struck me yesterday that I'm growing up. No more high school, no more junior high, no more being a child, and no more being tolerant to people treating me like a child. I really miss home. The funny thing is: I really thought that I wouldn't. But I do.

I thought that, if I did miss anything, it would only be the people I love. But I've found myself missing everything else, as well as those people. I miss the buildings. I miss the familiar atomsphere. I miss my church. I miss taking trips to go shopping in Winnipeg. I miss hanging out with friends. I miss going to see movies. I miss sitting down on a Saturday night around the television as a family and watching a movie. I miss watching Reba with my dad. I miss hanging around the junior high, bothering my mom while she works. I even miss working at Smitty's.

Something I never thought that I would miss is high school. But I do. Even though I'm at bible school and I'm actually doing something besides working the year after high school, I feel like I'm still experiencing the "post-high school syndrome", as someone I once knew called it. My coming years from now seems rather empty, not because I don't see life in them, but because I don't see new and exciting experiences in them.

Here's another thing that hit me today in the realization that I'm growing up: life's going by at a rapid pace! I feel like it was just yesterday that I was in grade 9. It's crazy because I've experienced SO many things since that time. I've experienced hurt, love, broken hearts, wonderful friendships, death, faith, Christ's love, Christ's grace, graduation, leaving home, Europe, and living in another province. All of which are things that I am more than grateful for, even if I wasn't at one point in my life. So this conclusion I have come to and this is my advice to you:

Don't blink. Or else you'll miss it.

Never Been So Sorry

Today was Work Day. I thought I'd tell you a little bit about my work days, which I love. We have three different teams: kitchen, domestics, and maintenance. We usually switch teams every two weeks. For the last four weeks I've been on the maintenance team! Today, we completed our project from last week: digging out a trench for water to drain down in the spring. That consumed the whole morning, then in the afternoon, we stacked wood! Not gonna lie, I feel pretty beefy right now!

I've been on all three work day teams, and not surprisingly, kitchen was my favourite. We got to help cook stuff and do food prep stuff. I was in my zone!

I'm sitting in the designated "laptop room" within our girl's dorm, listening to The Band Perry, and remembering some good times. I'm pretty tired, despite the four cups of coffee I've had today. I usually only have two a day! My roommates are getting concerned about my coffee intake!

Today I was thoroughly disgusted by something I did a couple years ago. I was super close with this guy in grade nine and grade ten, and we had liked each other for a while. Well, you know how Facebook message center now stores all your messages from someone in one thread? Today I came across this thread, and for memory lane sake, I read it. I can't even describe what I read in correct words. I was SO mean to him. I lectured him on the tiniest stupidest little things. And in grade ten when I knew he liked me, I pretty much rubbed it in his face that I was dating someone else...

I know that this blog entry seems very juvenile compared to some others, but I thought I'd share that. I want this blog to be a place where I can be open about my thoughts and feelings. I wish I could go back and be nicer to him, but unfortunately life isn't like that. I can't apologize to him, because I'm fairly certain that he hates me now. (When he stopped talking to me, I was shocked because I didn't understand why. Now I know why...)

The one thing that really bothers me is this: I could've totally turned him away from Christ. I told him I was a Christian, we had amazing talks about Christ back in the day, but I wasn't living it. How I treated him could've been a factor in how he views Christ now. He wasn't entirely fond of Christ back then, imagine what he thinks now? After a supposed "Christian" treated him like dirt?

This whole thought process seems very selfish, but I'm just being honest.

I hope he knows that I'm truly sorry. If I wasn't actually sorry the thousand times I apologized to him, I am sorry now. I've been convicted. And I don't even think there'd be a 0.1% chance of him reading this blog, telling him how sorry I am. I feel horrible about this situation.

I pray that I'm not ever as mean to anyone ever again.

Sorry for the rather downer blog entry, but I needed to let out some built up emotion.
Thank you for reading, if you even made it through!

Love,
Janessa